MOMENTS OF EXCELLENCE - PRODUCTIVITY

5 beliefs that limit productivity—and how to overcome them

When I work with people in my business productivity practice, the first question I ask them is, "What's stopping you from being more productive?" The answers that keep coming up are pretty much the same from everyone.

In this article, we'll take a look at these beliefs one by one, and see how you can turn them around.

1. There's too much information coming at me too fast

Belief: My e-mail is overwhelming me. I can't keep up with it.

Reality: The volume of e-mail isn't the issue. How you process and organize the volume is the issue. Learning how to better manage your e-mail by using McGhee Productivity Solutions' "Four D's for Decision Making" will transform this belief.

Each year we receive more and more data from a growing array of devices, which can be accessed from an increasing number of locations. If you're not careful, the quantity of data starts to drive you instead of the other way around. Learn 4 ways you can take control of your e-mail Inbox. And when you do, you can reduce the number of messages in your inbox by as much as 80 percent.

2. I have to keep everything

Belief: I have to keep everything. You just never know when you might need it!

Reality: Okay, prepare yourself. On average, the clients we work with throw away 50 percent of their stored information, with no ramifications. They feel lighter, happier, and have more time. So if you're a "keeper," and you know who you are, hold on to your hats! You "keepers" are a proud and experienced breed! There's nothing quite like laying your hands on a file that no one else can find. It justifies all of your filing and keeping efforts. If you're a keeper, you might recognize yourself in one of these statements:

• I got badly burned when I couldn't lay my hands on an important document. Now, I'm afraid to let go of information.
• I want to be able to justify the decisions I make, so I keep everything.
• If my system crashes, I want backup information.
  I felt so good when no one else could find "that document." As a result, I decided to keep everything so I could continue being useful.

At some point you made a decision about keeping all your information. That decision has been driving you ever since, but it may not be appropriate in your current situation.

The truth is, most people use only 15 percent of what they file, and this makes the other 85 percent ineffective. You can read about one way to develop a functional filing system in my Create an Effective Reference System article. By clarifying what is useful and letting go of the rest, you can reduce your filing, make it easier to find what you do keep, and save valuable time and energy that you can direct to more meaningful tasks. Also, learn 7 tips to help you manage your files better.

3. Organization cramps my freedom and creativity

Belief: Being organized blocks my creativity, and there's nothing spontaneous about it.

Reality: Organization actually fosters and supports creativity and spontaneity. You may find your creativity being disrupted by the non-stop flood of reminders spinning around your head, such as:

• Call Kevin for his birthday
• Review the P&L spreadsheet
• Review PowerPoint slide deck
• Decide on a Valentine's Day present

Imagine if you could clear your mind of all these lists and transfer them to Microsoft Office Outlook. You can do this by putting them in the TaskPad. This will create space for new ideas and creative thinking. Being disorganized can also stifle your creativity. Imagine you're an artist and decide to paint the Colorado autumn colors in Aspen. You drive for three and a half hours from Denver to Aspen to find the perfect spot. When you arrive, you realize you've forgotten to pack your paint brushes. That can make being creative really hard! Preparation does support your creativity.

When your calendar is booked and leaves no time to be spontaneous, this can be frustrating. However, if you pre-plan, you can block out large chunks of time with no organized events, giving you more freedom to do something on the spur of the moment.

To get control of all the "stuff" in your life, I recommend you set up an Integrated Management System (IMS). An IMS gives you a methodology for storing reference information, turning action information into tasks, and scheduling tasks on your calendar. After you've set up your IMS, you'll find that it will support your creativity and spontaneity. The best result is being able to close your system, knowing that everything is taken care of so you can relax and let go!

4. There's not enough time in the day!

Belief: I just don't have the time to do all the things I want.

Reality: Time is not the issue. The issue is deciding what you can do given the time you have.
As you know, managing your time with Olympian skill doesn't create more hours in the day. We all have the same 24 hours, so the issue isn't managing time—it's managing what you can do with the time you have. You can't do everything, but you can do anything, as long as it fits into your calendar.

If you keep your to-do lists in multiple locations—in e-mail, on a calendar, on paper, in an Excel spreadsheet, a list in your head, and notepad paper—you might want to consider centralizing this list in the Outlook TaskPad. This will make it easier to centralize and prioritize this list. Then, you need to schedule your tasks on your Outlook Calendar so you will know what you can and can not do. To start, put your to-do items on your Outlook Task list. Learn how to create a Task.

Create a task list to see all the commitments you have.
Then, drag your tasks onto your Outlook Calendar.
If you click on a task and drag it to the Calendar, you can choose to move or copy it to your Calendar as an attachment, with all of the details intact.

View all your tasks on your calendar.
As you drop tasks into the available time on your Calendar you will immediately see if you are overcommitted and if you need to re-prioritize your tasks and, in some cases, reschedule your commitments.

5. It takes too much time to get productive

Belief: I don't have the time to set up a system. I've got too much to do.

Reality: You can save one to two hours a day using an Integrated Management System, so the return on the investment is significant.

Here are some interesting statistics. On average, people we work with spend two to three hours a day working in e-mail and 60 minutes a day finding and filing information. After setting up an Integrated Management System, they spend one to two hours a day working in e-mail and 10 minutes a day finding and filing information. That's a savings of nearly two hours a day, or almost 12 weeks a year! The bottom line is: You can't afford not to create an effective Integrated Management System.

Take a moment and consider the time you spend:
Finding and filing information;
Writing a to-do list, and then rewriting it a week later on another list, and then another;
Opening e-mail, reading the message, closing the e-mail and then coming back to the same e-mail to read it again tomorrow; and
Going to the store and realizing you don't know the model of the hardware you need to pick up.

These are just a few examples of how we waste time by not having an Integrated Management System to help us remember what, where, and when. Take the time to set up your system. You're worth it, and you can't afford not to.

Taken from: http://www.microsoft.com/atwork/productivity/productivity.aspx

Moments of Excellence - SELF-ESTEEM BUILDERS

FEELING GOOD ABOUT YOURSELF

Confidence and self-esteem do wonders for your mind. They provide a buffer against anxiety. They relieve feelings of guilt, hopelessness, and inadequacy. They give us the courage to fulfill our dreams. And they give us a willingness to try new things, meet new challenges, and widen our worlds, says Thomas Tutko, Ph.D., professor of psychology at San Jose State University in California.

Best of all, confidence and self-esteem are self-perpetuating: The benefits we derive from them tend to boomerang and bolster what we've got. In general, the stronger our feelings of confidence and self-esteem, the more satisfied we are with life. And that give us the power not only to survive but also to embrace life.

Messages from Within
It's hard to talk of confidence and self-esteem except as a package deal. "A person with high self-esteem has a good picture of herself, and that invariably inspires confidence," says Dr. Tutko. "Likewise, a strong belief in your abilities, and the positive attitude that comes with it, will boost your feelings of self-esteem."

Where do these feelings come from? According to a study by Robert A. Joseph, Ph.D., and his associates at the University of Texas at Austin, men and women derive their confidence and self-esteem from different places. While a man's feelings of self-worth are more tied up with his achievements, a woman's are more likely linked to her interpersonal roles - how she sees herself as a wife, mother, daughter, and friend.

It all goes back to our childhood years. "Boys are much more encouraged to learn skills and how to do things. Girls, on the other hand, are generally encouraged to develop pleasing personalities and to be pretty," says psychologist Nathaniel Branden, Ph.D., head of the Branden Institute for Self-Esteem in Beverly Hills and the author of The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem. "The problem is that neither prettiness or personality suggests any kind of competence or provides personal fulfillment and thus does not produce any real lasting sense of confidence or self-esteem."

Hold Your Head Up
If you feel that your confidence and self-esteem could use a boost, that's probably a sign that they could. Here's what the experts recommend.

• SHAPE UP: Can working out improve your self-esteem? Yes, indeed. In one study at the State University of new York College at Brockport, 57 people were divided into two groups: One group lifted weights for 16 weeks, while the other group completed a physical education theory course. Guess which group wound up with the lifted spirits?
  
  Merril J. Melnick, Ph.D., the sport sociologist who led the study, explains why the exercise group fared so much better: "You may see yourself as inferior if you're unhappy with your physical self." By building a little muscle and losing a little fat, he says, you can improve your feelings about your body and yourself.
• GAG YOUR INTERNAL CRITIC: Women with low self-esteem tend to hear a little voice in their heads. It says, "You can't," "You're weak," and "You're worthless." Whenever your critical inner voice begins putting you down, silence it immediately, says Bonnie Jacobson, Ph.D., director of the Institute for Psychological change in New York City. Be aware of the times it's most likely to appear; such as when you're feeling down. Acknowledge that it's trying to hurt you. Then counter its arguments with assertions to the contrary. Tell yourself over and over that you are strong, capable, and worthy until the voice goes away. The same rules apply for external critics, too. "You have to take away the power of other people by learning to accept yourself on your own terms," she says.
• TAKE A PERSONAL INVENTORY: "Instead of dwelling on our shortcomings, we need to draw satisfaction from the things we have and can do well," says Stanley Teitelbaum, Ph.D., a clinical psychologist in private practice in New York City. To do this, list all your achievements, activities, positive traits, and strengths on one side of a piece of paper. Then list your weaknesses, negative traits, and things you wish you could change about yourself on the other side. You may be surprised to learn just how many pluses you have in your favor. And this alone can make you feel remarkably good about yourself. Then for long-term confidence and self-esteem, accentuate the positives and eliminate the negatives.
• SET UP A HIERARCHY OF GOALS: Setting up unrealistic goals for yourself is sure to lead to failure, which can take a toll on your self-esteem. "Reaching for a goal is great, but you must learn to crawl before you can walk," says Dr. Tutko. Suppose you have a goal of bowling a 300 game. A worthy goal, but somewhat unrealistic if your average is, say, 58. Instead of shooting for your ultimate goal, concentrate on reaching plateaus: 100, 150, 200, 250, then 300. "Find success on one level first, then try to transfer it up to the next," he says.
• SPECIALIZE IN SOMETHING: Are you a jack-of-all-trades and a master of none? Are you involved with so many tasks that you can't give adequate attention to any? Spreading yourself too thin only sets you up for disappointment, says Dr. Tutko. Find two or three things in life that you really enjoy - be it playing the clarinet, working with computers, or cross-country skiing - and focus most of your energies on them. It's better to be successful at a few things than to fail at many.
• PURSUE WHAT YOU LOVE: The easiest way to lose faith in yourself is to get trapped doing something that you dislike or that others tell you you're supposed to do, says Dr. Tutko. Rather than wallow in a career or activity that makes you miserable or that you attempt halfheartedly, seek out those things that really turn you on, and pursue them with gusto. You're more likely to do them well, which will have a positive effect on your psyche.
• BE OF SERVICE: Lending your time and talents to your community or people in need boosts confidence and self-esteem in many ways, Dr. Jacobson. Foremost, it gives you a wonderful feeling of accomplishment and reinforces your belief that you are useful and worthwhile.
• SEEK OUT POSITIVE PEOPLE: The last thing you need in your life when your self-confidence is flagging are people who criticize or find fault with you. Instead, you should surround yourself with people who look for the good in you. Invariably, those are people who themselves have high levels of confidence and self-esteem. "People with high self-esteem and confidence aren't quick to judge or put others down," says Dr. Jacobson. "They have a lot of love and encouragement to give, and their attitudes toward life can rub off on you."
• REWARD YOURSELF: Stroke your confidence and self-esteem by doing something nice for yourself whenever you do something well, says Dr. Tutko. Congratulate yourself or treat yourself to a little gift. This reinforces your faith in yourself and gives the value of your accomplishment more weight.
• BE YOUR BEST, NOT THE BEST: Competitive sports are a great way to enhance your confidence and self-esteem. But if you consider beating opponents and winning trophies the only measure of success, your confidence and self-esteem are already on shaky ground. "Playing sports can be fantastic, but only if you do it for the sheer love of it and for the exploration being the best you possibly can," says Dr. Tutko.
• DON'T FEAR FAILURE: View failure not as an evil but as an opportunity for a new success, says Daniel Wegner, Ph.D., professor of psychology at the University of Virginia in Charlottesville. "Life is a trial-and-error process, and we don't make any progress if we don't take chances in the face of failure," he says. "In the grand scheme of things, most of the actual 'failures' we will experience are not nearly as harmful as the damage we do to ourselves when we obsess and worry about our failures yet to come."
• DEFLATE YOUR WORRIES: Silencing your inner critic isn't always easy. Sometimes you can just slam the door on her; other times she puts up a fight. Sometimes the more you try to suppress unwanted thoughts and anxieties, the more likely you are to become obsessed by them, says Dr. Wegner. Instead of wasting energy suppressing unhappy thoughts, try giving in to them for a little bit. Schedule daily 30-minute "worry sessions" to get them out of your system. Then get on with enjoying life.

QUIZ: HOW CONFIDENT ARE YOU?

Do you think highly of yourself, or do you see yourself as over-the-hill and going headlong into a valley of antiquity? It seems a simple question, but it's not, says Thomas Tutko, Ph.D., professor of psychology at San Jose University in California. Many women are vaguely unaware that they have some kind of problem in their lives, but they can't quite put a handle on it.

Here are some signs that will tell you whether you have a problem with self-esteem:

• You are obsessed with your faults, foibles, and mistakes and criticize yourself for them.
• You often let others put you down.
• You frequently try new hairdos, clothes, diets, or gimmicks to make you more attractive or acceptable to others.
• You value the judgments and opinions of others more than your own.
• You frequently compare yourself and your accomplishments with others.
• You feel devastated by negative criticism.
• You become easily disillusioned.

Here are warning signs of low self-confidence:

• Your daily routine rarely changes.
• You shy away from new challenges and uncomfortable situations.
• You rarely try things a second time.
• You always choose the safe over the risky.
• You measure success solely in terms of winning and acquiring.
• You can't express your inner wants and desires.
• You make up excuses for not doing things or to rationalize why things are the way they are.

Taken from Your Emotions, Your Health © 1996 the editors of PREVENTION® Magazine Health Books (Rodale Press)

Moments of Excellence - PROFESSIONAL DRESS

10 things a professional woman should never wear
by Kayla Baxter, Anna Hennings and Alice Handley

We hate to admit it, because we personally feel that clothes shouldn't matter. In a perfect world, a person would be judged at their workplace based solely on the caliber of their work.

Unfortunately, that's not how the world works. How you choose to dress each morning reflects how you feel about your job – that you take your position seriously, that you are ready to work and that you pay attention to detail and know what you expect to encounter that day. You wouldn’t go to a construction site in your favorite four-inch stilletos, right? Of course not, you'd go in a hard hat, because it's appropriate for the situation. Appearances matter!

We’ve all been there, though. The days you wake up feeling sick, but still have to make it into the office, so you throw on any old thing that’s (kind of) clean. The office where you never see anyone but your hated boss and your frumpy coworkers. The jobs you work from home in your pajamas and no makeup. Regardless of the excuses, there are some things that professionals should just never wear. Ever.

We’ll show you what these things are, why they’re a terrible wardrobe choice and if you’re guilty of having one in your closet – or (gasp!) in your daily rotation – we’ll give you a much better alternative.

Crocs

Why not?Crocs are for the beach. For small children. For working in the garage or around the house. We realize they have cool antibacterial and slip-resistant properties going for them, but even their website admits that Crocs were originally "intended as a boating/outdoor shoe." Face it, Crocs are not for the office.

Try me instead:
If you absolutely cannot let go of the Crocs name and comfortable-shoe concept, give YOU by Crocs a go, the brand’s “high fashion” line that still incorporates the “croslite technology” – which means it’s odor resistant and anti-microbial – and that has extra padding right where you need it most: The ball of your foot and your heel.

Uggs

Why not?Uggs are just glorified slippers. And what are slippers? They are part of your pajamas. And do professional women wear pajamas to the office? No, they do not. No matter how cold it is outside, or how sick or hungover you feel, don’t come traipsing into the office wearing Uggs. And don’t even think about showing them off by tucking your jeans into them – or worse – pairing them with a (denim) mini skirt. You’re a professional.

Try me instead:

Want boots? Give leather boots a go. They don’t even have to be heeled. Not only are flat boots much more comfortable, but they’re in style and classic – so they’ll last you more than one fashion cycle – and they transcend seasons: Wear them with tights or bare legs, with dresses, skirts or with pants!

Fanny Packs

Why not?The fanny pack went out of style way back in the 80s, taking side ponytails and neon brights along with them. Sporting a fanny pack in a professional environment shows you have no idea what’s in fashion – whether you consider yourself style savvy or not – while also giving your look a big case of the casuals. You’re not on vacation in 1983, so lose that vinyl fanny pack!

Try me instead:

Just about any handbag, clutch, satchel, tote, even a briefcase, will do the exact same thing as a fanny pack: Hold your essentials.

Scrunchies

Why not?Because scrunchies went out of fashion at the same time fanny packs did. Wearing one only emphasizes your need for a makeover, not a raise. Bows, or ribbons tied into bows, also fall into this particular don’t. Ribbons in your hair are appropriate for the seventh grade cheerleading squad and other teenage displays of team unity. Not. Professional.

Try me instead:

There’s nothing a scrunchie can do that an ouchless hair elastic band can’t. Other options for pulling your hair back? Bobby pins, clips, headbands, hair scarves – even a hat, if your workplace is business casual enough.

Sweatshirts and Sweatpants

Why not?Save your sweats for the gym, for a night spent vegging on the couch or for sleeping. They don’t want to go work, so please don’t bring them in! Plainly put: Sweatpants and sweatshirts are much too casual to be professional, and they scream, “I’m lazy! Please fire me!” Even people who work at fitness centers don’t wear sweats to work, so you shouldn’t either.

Try me instead:

Dying to be as comfortable as possible? Try a worn-in pair of cotton chino slacks with a simple, but still classy, white fitted tee. Need something to keep you warm on top? A monotone cotton or cashmere cardigan will feel great and look good.

Bonus hint:When you feel sick and miserable but still have to go in to the office (the worst!), looking sick and miserable won’t actually make you feel any better.

Suggestion? Try dressing up even more than you usually would to give your morale a boost.

Footless Leggings and Spandex/Yoga Pants

Why not?Leggings and spandex pants are in the perfect shape for your next yoga or Pilates class, not for your upcoming presentation — or even a conference call. Yes, even a call. No one can see what you’re wearing over the phone, but that’s our point: They’re never appropriate for the office, not as a layer under a skirt and especially not worn alone as pants.What’s worse? Extremely bold-hued leggings, leggings with zipped hems or the worst — a combination of the two.

Try me instead:

Tights – both opaque and sheer – are perfectly acceptable for the office and provide the same coverage as leggings but with a polished look.

Leather Pants

Why not?Leather pants are perfectly career-appropriate if you’re auditioning for Rock of Love, and that’s about it. It should go without saying (but we’ll still say it) that you should never go to work dressed like you’re about to do some tequila shots with the band unless your job somehow involves doing tequila shots with the band.

Try me instead:

If you’re looking for a little edge in your work wardrobe, try a perfectly severe black blazer, skinny black pants, or a purse with a serious amount of hardware.

Face Tattoos

Why not?Just don’t.

Try me instead:

A non-tattooed face.

The Exception: Mike Tyson

Velour/Juicy Tracksuits

Why not?They may seem like they’re fancy, but a big price tag does not a sophisticated garment make. Velour, sadly, is just not a workplace-approved fabric. Doesn’t it just scream out "a trip to the mall” to you? Well, that’s what it’s saying to your coworkers and, more importantly, your boss. This goes double for embellished tracksuits.

Try me instead:

Like our advice for people who want to wear their sweatpants, here we’re going to suggest your comfiest khakis or softest cotton skirt. On top, a fluffy and oh-so-soft sweater can keep you just as happy as a hoodie.

Message Tees

Why not?It may be cute or funny or so totally true to you, but you never know how other people are going to react. You might be an Italian Princess or The World’s Greatest Mom, but those honorable titles are best kept for your weekend wear.

Try me instead:

Wearing a plain t-shirt and saving your little jokes, observations and rants for email or IM. Keep it clean!

Moments of Excellence - SKIN CARE

Ladies (and gents), here are a few tips that I've found work wonders on keeping even the driest of skin moist and soft!

1. Don't Dry Off - After you take your bath or shower, don't try off. Instead, while your body is still wet, apply your favorite moisturizing lotion. You'll find that your skin will be softer and you'll even use less lotion.
2. Pat Your Hands - Instead of wiping your hands dry after washing them, pat them gently with a hand towel. This will allow for some of the moisture to remain on your hands, making them feel softer.
3. Mix It Up - Some body creams and lotions are actually made up of mostly water, so they evaporate quickly once applied to the skin. Mix your favorite cream or lotion with oil for longer lasting effects. Any oil will work just about. I prefer EVOO (Extra Virgin Olive Oil) because of its purity and I like the scent! :) Vitamin E oil is another great one to use.
4. Exfoliate - One of the best secrets I've found when it comes to creating soft and beautiful skin is that of the sugar or salt scrub! A handful, when used in a hot shower, will remove that layer of dead, dry skin and leave your entire body feeling baby smooth. Be careful though, it does make the shower floor very slippery. Most times, you won't even need to use lotion or oil afterward, especially if you air-dry.
5. Stay Hydrated - Last, but definitely not least! Drink between 4-6, 8 oz. glasses of water a day! Your body is made up of 70% water. The more active you are, the more water your body loses. Dehydration affects every single part of your physiology and even your psychology. Did you know that a bad mood may be caused by dehydration? Yes, so if being dehydrated affects your mood, you KNOW it can affect your skin! Don't like water? Add flavor to it with fruit or even zero-calorie Crystal Light.

I hope these tips help you. As I enter my mid-thirties, I'm paying more attention to my skin and how it's changing. These are the things I do to keep my skin soft. Leave a comment if you have additional tips!

Softly,

D~

Moments of Excellence - TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS

8 Toxic Personalities to Avoid
by: Brett Blumenthal - Sheer Balance

Although we like to think that the people in our lives are well-adjusted, happy, healthy minded individuals, we sometimes realize that it just isn't so. Personally, I've had moments where I'll be skipping through my day, happy as can be, thinking life is grand and BAM, I'll be blindsided by someone who manages to knock the happy wind out of my sails. Sometimes it is easy to write it off and other times, not so much.

Maybe you are a positive person, but when you are around a certain individual, you feel negative. Or, maybe you have an idealistic view of the world and when you are with certain people, you are made to feel silly, unrealistic or delusional. Or, maybe you pride yourself in being completely independent and in control of your life, but when you are around a certain family member, you regress into a state of childhood.

Some of these situations, and yes, these people, can have a tremendously negative impact on our lives. And, although we are all human and have our 'issues,' some 'issues' are quite frankly, toxic. They are toxic to our happiness. They are toxic to our mental outlook. They are toxic to our self-esteem. And they are toxic to our lives. They can suck the life out of us and even shorten our lifespan.

Here are the worst of the toxic personalities out there and how to spot them:

• Manipulative Mary: These individuals are experts at manipulation tactics. Is a matter of fact, you may not even realize you have been manipulated until it is too late. These individuals figure out what your 'buttons' are, and push them to get what they want.

Why they are toxic: These people have a way of eating away at your belief system and self-esteem. They find ways to make you do things that you don't necessarily want to do and before you know it, you lose your sense of identity, your personal priorities and your ability to see the reality of the situation. The world all of a sudden becomes centered around their needs and their priorities.

• Narcissistic Nancy: These people have an extreme sense of self-importance and believe that the world revolves around them. They are often not as sly as the Manipulative Marys of the world, but instead, tend to be a bit overt about getting their needs met. You often want to say to them "It isn't always about you."

Why they are toxic: They are solely focused on their needs, leaving your needs in the dust. You are left disappointed and unfulfilled. Further, they zap your energy by getting you to focus so much on them, that you have nothing left for yourself.

• Debbie Downers: These people can't appreciate the positive in life. If you tell them that it is a beautiful day, they will tell you about the impending dreary forecast. If you tell them you aced a mid-term, they'll tell you about how difficult the final is going to be.

Why they are toxic: They take the joy out of everything. Your rosy outlook on life continues to get squashed with negativity. Before you know it, their negativity consumes you and you start looking at things with gray colored glasses yourself.

• Judgmental Jims: When you see things as cute and quirky, they see things as strange and unattractive. If you find people's unique perspectives refreshing, they find them 'wrong'. If you like someone's eclectic taste, they find it 'disturbing' or 'bad'.

Why they are toxic: Judgmental people are much like Debbie Downers. In a world where freedom rings, judgment is sooo over. If the world was a homogeneous place, life would be pretty boring. Spending a lot of time with these types can inadvertently convert you into a judgmental person as well.

• Dream Killing Keiths: Every time you have an idea, these people tell you why you can't do it. As you achieve, they try to pull you down. As you dream, they are the first to tell you it is impossible.

Why they are toxic: These people are stuck in what is instead of what could be. Further, these individuals eat away at your self-esteem and your belief in yourself. Progress and change can only occur from doing new things and innovating, dreaming the impossible and reaching for the stars.

• Insincere Illissas: You never quite feel that these people are being sincere. You tell a funny story, they give you a polite laugh. You feel depressed and sad and they give you a 'there, there' type response. You tell them you are excited about something and you get a very ho-hum response.

Why they are toxic: People who aren't sincere or genuine build relationships on superficial criteria. This breeds shallow, meaningless relationships. When you are really in need of a friend, they won't be there. When you really need constructive criticism, they would rather tell you that you are great the way you are. When you need support, they would rather see you fail or make a fool of yourself.

• Disrespectful Dannys: These people will say or do things at the most inappropriate times and in the most inappropriate ways. In essence, they are more subtle, grown up bullies. Maybe this person is a friend who you confided in and uses your secret against you. Maybe it is a family member who puts their busy-body nose into your affairs when it is none of their business. Or maybe, it is a colleague who says demeaning things to you.

Why they are toxic: These people have no sense of boundaries and don't respect your feelings or, for that matter, your privacy. These people will cause you to feel frustrated and disrespected.

• Never Enough Nellies: You can never give enough to these people to make them happy. They take you for granted and have unrealistic expectations of you. They find ways to continually fault you and never take responsibility for anything themselves.
  Why they are toxic: You will spend so much time trying to please them, that you will end up losing yourself in the process. They will require all of your time and energy, leaving you worn out and your own needs sacrificed.

All of these personalities have several things in common:

1. the more these people get away with their behavior, the more they will continue.
2. Unfortunately, most of these people don't see that what they do is wrong and as a result, talking to them about it will fall on deaf ears, leaving you wondering if you are the crazy one.
3. Most of these people get worse with age, making their impact on you stronger with time.

Frankly, life is too short to spend your time dealing with toxicity. If you can, avoid spending mucho time with people who are indicative of these behaviors and you'll feel a lot happier. Have you encountered these personalities? What have you done? Any personalities you would add?

Moments of Excellence - DINING ETIQUETTE (Pt. 2)

TABLE COMPORTMENT

SEATING/PLACEMENT
Depending on the formality of the event, there may or may not be place cards on the table. The home is the woman’s domain, and the hostess will point all guests to their appropriate seats. The proper protocol is for the hostess to sit at the end of the table closest to the kitchen. If she is married, her husband, the host, sits at the opposite end. The male guest of honor sits to the right of the hostess and he sits her. The female guest of honor sits to the right of the host and is seated by him.

No one sits down until the hostess sits down. Proper etiquette is for the man to seat the woman to his right by pulling her chair out. If he is surrounded by two women, he first helps the woman to his right and then the woman to his immediate left. Women should wait for this gesture on the part of the men.

NAPKINS
When the hostess opens her napkin, the guests follow suit.

EATING/GESTURING
Never begin eating until all toasting has concluded and the hostess begins to eat. Also, it is important to wait until everyone is served before beginning to eat. The only exception is if the hostess tells you to begin because your food will get cold while the others wait to be served.

You must, during the course of the dinner, speak to the two people on either side of you in addition to the rest of the group. Please refrain from any and all unusual sounds that one may make unconsciously while drinking and/or chewing, including inadvertently clanking on the plate with your implements. Hands should be kept away from the face and from touching or twisting the hair. Your elbows should always be off the table.

If during the course of the meal you need to excuse yourself to go to the restroom, gently take your napkin and fold it loosely on the left side of your plate or place it on your chair. Push your chair under the table until you return. The man seated next to a woman should get up out of deference when she leaves the table and again when she returns.

AFTER DINNER
At the conclusion of the meal, the hostess will rest her napkin on the table to her left. This is a sign for all the guests that the meal is over. Never push the plate away from you when you are finished eating. Once the hostess gestures to get up, everyone else seated at the table must do the same. Get up from the table and push the chair under the table.

After an appropriate amount of time has passed (this will vary from situation to situation), look to the other guests and the hosts for a natural conclusion to the evening so you do not wear out your welcome. Say your goodbyes and express your gratitude as you depart.

THANK YOU NOTES
Send a ‘thank you’ note within 48 hours. At the very least, call your hostess to say thank you.

Moments of Excellence - DINING ETIQUETTE (Pt. 1)

A sophisticated woman should be fully versed in the details of formal dining and comportment. It is one thing to know how to hold a knife and fork, but it is quite another to know how to feel comfortable in a social setting where dining is but one of several things you will be expected to do. You will learn the proper way to act and handle the intricacies of formal dining and social etiquette. You are visually shown how to set a table, what implements and crystal to use according to course, and how to interact in social situations.

GUEST ETIQUETTE

RSVP
Always RSVP. It is very important to always answer a request for reply whether or not you will be attending an event. Only bring guests if you have cleared it with your host or hostess.

THE DRESS CODE
If you are not sure of the dress code, ask when you RSVP. Nothing can make a woman feel more self-conscious than showing up under dressed or overdressed. If you are unsure and cannot reach the host, it is always better to be under dressed than overdressed.

ARRIVE ON TIME
It is very disrespectful to arrive late to a dinner party. Arrive within 10 minutes of the appointed time. Call your host if you are going to arrive late. If you are invited to an informal party, then you have more flexibility in your arrival time.

THE HOUSE GIFT
When invited to dinner at someone’s house, bring a small gift as a gesture, such as a bouquet of flowers or a bottle of champagne or wine. If the event is more formal, one may want to take a small token with special significance to the host or hostess.

INTRODUCTIONS
Look the other person straight in the eye and give them a warm and sincere "hello." Nothing says more to your audience that you are interested in them and are looking forward to engaging them in conversation. Use first names and the familiar "hello" in a casual setting or if you are of similar age to the person being introduced. In a more formal setting, or when being introduced to an older person, use Mr., Ms. or Mrs. X followed by "How do you do?"

When you do not know, or have simply forgotten someone’s name, and you are in the company of another person where an introduction is required, turn to the person you are with and introduce him or her by name to the person whose name you have forgotten. "I would like to introduce you to my cousin Susanne Major." The likelihood is that the person whose name you have forgotten will turn around and greet the person you are with by saying his or her own name and relieving you of an embarrassing situation. "Hi Susanne, I am Marjorie Scott." The conversation can now proceed comfortably among all parties.

THE HANDSHAKE OR THE SOCIAL KISS
In the United States, handshakes are used. A handshake conveys a great deal about you. An overly firm grip is aggressive and unfeminine. A faint handshake conveys general weakness. Firmly, but gently, take complete hold of the other person’s hand and give it a nice and brief shake. This will convey confidence and simultaneously highlight your feminine wiles.

In some cultures, kissing is the standard social form of greeting, where a handshake would seem too cold or impersonal. Kissing has now caught on in the United States with a light kiss on one or both cheeks (the latter is most common in Europe). It is important to be culturally sensitive when attempting to kiss someone socially. There are cultures and people who find social kissing offensive. Sometimes it is better to begin with a handshake and proceed to a kiss if the other person’s body language indicates receptivity.

© 2003 UdefineU, LLC. All Rights Reserved.

Moments of Excellence - REST

GET SOME REST

According to medical research, there is a distinct link between the amount of rest a person gets and their emotional well-being. Ever notice that when you're tired and run down, you're also very cranky? That's because rest is an essential part of the mind-body renewal process.

In the Scriptures, we can read where God, Himself, prescribed rest for His people after an especially grueling task. In Joshua, chapter 5, God instructed Joshua to circumcise all the men before they crossed over the river Jordan. This had to be done because that generation of men were those born in the wilderness, and they had not yet properly entered into the Abrahamic covenant via circumcision. Normally, this process is done 8 days after a child is born. However, because of the sin of the previous generation, these men were behind schedule and had to experience this pain as adults. In verse 8, we see that after they were circumcised, they RESTED until they were made whole.

Rest is essential to your mental and physical and emotional well-being. When your body signals to you that its had enough, listen to what your body is telling you! There is nothing so important that getting adequate should be pushed to the bottom of your to-do list.

I know that we all have very hectic schedules. The day-to-day of it all can sometimes cause us to overlook our need to take a break. But take a break we must! Even if it's not sleep, you must get some rest!

Here are some ways that I've found help me to rest. Hopefully, they'll inspire you to do the same:

1. Take a nice, long bubble bath.
   
2. Light your favorite scented candles.
3. Listen to your favorite music CD.
4. Take a relaxing walk by a lake.
5. Go to your local bookstore, grab a cup of coffee, and read your favorite book.
6. Go to the spa and get a mani/pedi.
7. Take a nap.
8. Laugh it up with friends and/or family.
9. Go see an exceptionally good movie or play.
10. Unplug. Turn off the T.V., computer, cell phone for an entire day and just live.

Here's what the psalmist David had to say about rest:

"The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want. He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. He restoreth my soul." - Psalm 23 1:1-3a

Rest leads to restoration, renewal, & refreshing. Now, go get some rest! :)

~Dr. D

Moments of Excellence - RELATIONSHIPS

In the age of Social Networking, Web 2.0, and blogging, the issue of relationships has definitely come to the forefront. Every day more and more social networking sites like Twitter, Facebook, & Linkdn pop up on the scene with the lofty goal of connecting like-minded people & business together.

I, being relatively tech-savvy, enjoy these new technological advances as they do make it easier to connect with people who may not only share your vision, but who have the resources to make it happen. Yet, while I laud the positive attributes of these entities, I can't help but wonder about our intimate, personal relationships.

Let me use myself as an example. I am so connected online, that when I went to purchase a new phone, one of the main perks I was looking for was instant Internet access so that I can check my (multiple) email accounts, my Facebook account, and send out the occasional tweet on Twitter. If I take a quick look at the bookmarks that I've saved for instant access, they are: Facebook, MySpace, YouTube, Twitter, Blogger, & Gmail.

And while I (obviously) enjoy being online and using the Internet to expand my brand, I had to take a step back to relish the real, tangible relationships I have right here, right now. My children, my mother, my friends, my loved ones all deserve the same energy that I put into marketing my ministry and business.

I've had to make the concerted effort to divide my time between my "social" network and my "personal" network. The real world consists of those people around me who are there to catch me when I fall. They lift me up when I'm sad. They love me, care for me, cheer me on, and believe in my dreams. I would be remiss if I didn't nurture those relationships with the same ferver and diligence as I do my social, business, & ministry relationships.

What's the point?

The point is simple. Don't overlook the people who are physically present in your life. Your spouse, your children, your family & friends... the ones who are REALLy there for you... they deserve your time and energy. Give it to them. It's like I tell my children, "What you do matters to someone else." Don't spend all your time "networking". Balance your life and love the people around you.

Moments of Excellence - BEAUTY

***WELCOME OUR NEW BEAUTY EDITOR, DAWN ADRIENNE!***

BEAUTY: TAKING IT UP A NOTCH
by Dawn Adrienne

LESSON 1 - Foundation

Foundation is the main product used to to create a fresh, clean "canvas" (your face) by evening the skin's tone and also providing blemish coverage. Foundation is to makeup what yeast is to bread. Without it, everything else is flat and lifeless. Many of you may be opposed to foundation because you might have had a bad experience, you don't know how to find your shade, you don't know how to apply it or how to achieve you desired coverage amount. This lesson will address all these concerns.

Types of foundation
Foundation comes in many different forms. These are foundation's most common forms:

• Liquid (sheer and light coverage)
• Cream (Creme to powder) and Cream Stick (medium to full coverage)
• Mousse
• Sheer tint (very sheer coverage)
• Mineral
  

Liquid:
Ideal for sheer to light coverage. Liquid foundation also adds a light moisturizing effect for dry and combination skin leaving the face with a slightly dewy finish. Liquid makeup is good around the eyes, where you may want a bit more coverage. It can be worn year-round if desired. However, during the winter season it is a great foundation to use due to the drier weather conditions.

You'll often see liquid makeup in waterproof or smudge proof or even 24 hour versions. But these specialized cremes contain oils and waxy ingredients, causing some sensitive wearers slight skin irritation. If you start having problems with breakouts when wearing waterproof makeup, switch to a non-waterproof type and see if it helps. With more people becoming aware of the importance of skin care to their overall health, companies are creating foundations made with organic ingredients such as essential oils, vegetable oils and minerals instead of chemical dyes. Ideal for: Dry and combination skin

Cream
Ideal for medium to full coverage. Creme and stick foundation, being the most dense out of all other foundation forms, is ideal for those who have a lot of blemishes that they want to cover and/or those who want to achieve an extremely flawless look. Creme and stick foundation, can be also be worn year-round if desired. However, during the spring and summer seasons it is a great foundation to use because it holds up longer. It is important that the face be properly and thoroughly moisturized before applying creme or stick foundation, because they both have the tendency to leave the face feeling or looking dry. Ideal for: Normal skin

Mousse
Mousse is ideal for light to medium, buildable coverage. Mousse has a whipped, soft, and light texture making it easier to apply in thin layers than liquid makeup, so you have more control. Mousse can be worn in any season. Ideal for: All skin types especially dry and aging skin.

Sheer Tint (aka Tinted Moisturizer)
Provides very light coverage. Works great when evening the skin tone. Because it is a moisturizer with a hint of foundation all-in-one, you will not have to apply moisturizer and then foundation. Keep in mind that the coverage is light. So unless your skin is very clear, you will need to apply another form of foundation to achieve that flawless look. Ideal for: All skin types.

Mineral
One of the latest foundation makeup types. Can be brushed on with a face powder brush in layers on the skin to achieve the desired coverage. Ideal for: People with allergies or sensitive skin

Beauty Tips:

1. It is important to take note of your skin type and your desired coverage amount when deciding what to buy. For those of you with very dry skin who still want medium to full coverage, I would suggest that you buy a liquid and a cream/cream stick foundation. Apply the liquid foundation first (Which, along with your moisturizer, will hydrate the skin and cover it lightly) Then, add the cream mainly in the "T" zone. If you have some blemishes you want to cover, collect some of the cream foundation product on your finger and dab it over the blemish (es). Continue to to do this until you're satisfied with the blemish coverage. Please make sure that you go along the edges of the circles where you've dabbed your cream and slightly pull the edges outward to eliminate the appearance of circles on your face.
2. Pressed powder IS NOT FOUNDATION!!!!!! Use your pressed powder to set your foundation. Powder on naked skin (meaning without foundation.) will do nothing but remove shine. It does not cover blemishes or even skin tone. And because it has nothing to adhere to, it will not remain in place on the skin.
3. All makeup must be set (meaning applying powder). There is a myth that is going around about cream to powder makeup doesn't require you to set it once applying it. THAT IS INCORRECT!!! Anything liquid in makeup must be set with powder. That goes for all forms except for, of course, mineral makeup. Without a powder set, the foundation will not stay in place. It will collect in the creases of the face, cause you too look very oily and will very easily transfer on to anything that has touched it.
   

"I don't like wearing foundation because....

• ..... the last time I wore it, I broke out really bad."
  

This can be the result of a few of different things. The makeup line might not be right for you. Different lines have different compounds to their makeup. Although the basic product compound is the same, their could be a few ingredients added to that specific line's product that causes your skin to react. It is important to know if you have any skin allergies. If you are allergic to SPF (Which is in a lot of makeup products), wearing a foundation that has SPF in it will cause your skin to react.

It even can be the combination of products in the foundation and your skin care products that are causing your skin's adverse reaction. If the ingredients in the skin care products and the foundation do not cohere, your skin may react. At this point, it is up to you whether to find a new skin care product or to change the makeup line. In other cases, it may well be the type of foundation you are using. Your skin may do well with a different type of foundation. In any event, if your skin breaks out from the foundation you're using, try a different type first, before moving to another brand.

• ...I never get the shade that fits me."

Finding your shade can be a tedious job and sometimes a nearly impossible one, with all the changes in the seasons, age, etc. One day you'll look one way, another, you'll look the next. For some women, their skin tone is uneven; certain areas on the face are darker than others. In the case of not being able to find your right shade, here are a few things to remember. Foundation has to be tested before purchased. A lot of people, because they don't want to spend a lot of money on makeup, will go to the Pharmacy to pick their foundation. And they get upset when they open it up and use it only to find that it's not the right shade. Very rarely will you find ONE pre-packaged product that fits your shade PERFECTLY. It's best to go to the a makeup store or department store makeup counter and be serviced by the professionals there. Sure, you may have to spend more money there than in the drug store. But, you will feel more confident in your purchase and will be a satisfied customer.

• ...I don't know how to apply it right to get the coverage I need."
  

If you are using a liquid foundation, I have found that it is best applied by using a brush and then using a makeup sponge in a blotting motion all over the face to eliminate the appearance of lines on the face. With the foundation brush, use "painter's strokes" all over the face, check, ears, and very little on the neck. Make sure that the foundation is even all over before proceeding to blot the makeup with the makeup sponge. Once you are satisfied with the outcome, proceed on.

If you are using a cream, mousse or sheer tint, I have found that it is best applied by using your fingers. Using your fingers to apply it allows you more control of the product and gives you a better ability to build the coverage as needed or desired. Using your middle and ring fingers, collect your foundation and with "quick and short, pull and drag" motions, blend it into the face, chin, ears, and very light on the neck. Build until you're satisfied with the coverage. Remember, less is more. It's easier to add more product than take off. So go easy on your foundation.

*** Dawn Adrienne is a licensed makeup artist, a costume and wardrobe stylist, an image consultant out of the Temple Hills, MD area. Contact her for an appointment today at (301) 523-0369 or at myspace.com/shessobeautiful.

WOMAN2WOMAN CONFERENCE 2009

Dr. Dionne S. Wood, in conjunction with DDLI & LME, announce the 1st Annual Woman2Woman Conference to be held October 16-17, 2009 at the lovely Crystal City Marriott Hotel in Arlington, VA.

Special guest speakers:

Elder Vivian Swinson - CEO, Deborah Generation Ministries
Mrs. Tishema Miller - Mrs. Christian United States 2009
Pastor Azizah Morrison - Founder, The King's Daughter Summit
Rev. Alicia Cooper - Co-founder, Image On The Rise
Evangelist Nichelle Early - CEO/Founder, PreachingWoman.com

For more information, visit http://woman2womanconference.eventbrite.com
For VENDOR information, email w2wconference@gmail.com

Register today!!!

ANNOUNCING "THE PINK DIAMOND STANDARD: A GUIDE TO EXCELLENCE FOR CHRISTIAN WOMEN"!

ANNOUNCING "THE PINK DIAMOND STANDARD: A GUIDE TO EXCELLENCE FOR CHRISTIAN WOMEN!"

The official e-handbook for the Daughters of Destiny Leadership Institute will be available on June 1! Only $10! Pre-Order your copy today by sending an an email to thepinkdiamondstandard@gma

il.com.